I just read an article posted by Bust Magazine called “15 Ways to Have a Feminist Wedding”. Some of the points the author made did not pertain to me because the traditional wedding ritual in Israel is very different from the one in the States or other countries. The rest of the points I found to be complete and utter bullshit. So here is my response to all points:
Proposing is an equal opportunity event
My husband didn’t propose to me and I didn’t propose to him. One day we talked about it over dinner and just decided that this is what we’re gonna do.
An engagement ring for all or no one
I wanted a ring and he didn’t. Where is the problem?
Pass on the bride’s parents permission
If my husband had asked my dad if he could marry me, we would have had a good laugh. We’re not orthodox and we’re not in the 1950s. Nowadays, I doubt anybody does it in Israel.
Everyone pays for the wedding
Nope. My parents paid for the Hinna. My husband’s parents paid for the wedding.
It’s the groom’s day too
It’s also the day of the parents of the bride and the parents of the groom. We all planned the wedding together.
Invite men to the wedding shower
Showers are not a thing in Israel. Wedding showers or baby showers. So irrelevant.
Have diverse wedding parties
Not sure what she means by that… we had a surprise engagement party at Blaze and a Hinna. Neither of us had bachelor or bachelorette parties.
Drop the terms bridesmaid or maid of honor
Again, no such thing in Israel. My “maid of honor” was my dog.
Don’t let your father give you away
I wanted both my parents to walk me down the aisle. So that’s how it was. My parents walked me, and my husband’s parents walked him.
Ditch the garter and bouquet toss
Yet another tradition that is not practiced in Israel.
Cut a rug with any parent
Whatever you say dude. I’ll dance with anybody I want.
Name-change is a two-way street
That was the point that pissed me off the most. Name-change is anybody’s choice. I wasn’t going to make my husband change his name. And the reason I wanted to change mine was so that I could have the same family name as my fucking family! My husband and my kids will be Bar Lev. I want to be that too. What’s so wrong with that?
Ditch the term Mrs.
I’m not Mrs. or Ms. I’m giveret. So fuck you.
Replace the terms “husband” and “wife”
Yet another pisser-offer. I LOVE it when my husband calls me his wife (or rather isha) and I love referring to my husband as my husband (or rather baal). There is nothing that keeps my husband from using “isha” and “feministit” in the same sentence. Nothing wrong with it either.
Don’t let him carry you over the threshold
Not usually done in Israel. In fact, I don’t understand how anybody can do that. This is supposed to happen AFTER the wedding, right? When both of you are shitfaced and sore all over from dancing like maniacs. So how exactly can your husband carry you anywhere when he can hardly hold himself up? Ridiculous.
One of the comments on this article was “How to have a feminist wedding: Be a feminist. Have a wedding.”
Seriously. I couldn’t have said it better myself.
Peace, love and next stupid article from Bust: “How to be a feminist mother”