Holiday My Ass

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The Jewish Holidays.

Usually, they’re crazy. But this time, they were super crazy, with a twist of wild and the added element of insane. It was the first time I was to spend a holiday with my married family (my husband and my kid) and not my born one (my parents).

My parents decided to spend Rosh Hashana on the other end of the planet (Los Angeles). And since we were going to spend most of the holiday at my husband’s family’s house in the south of the country, my parents let us stay in their southern house while they were gone.

This however, didn’t prevent us from endless travels in the car, to and from different families’ houses. My 10-month-old, fearing anyone she doesn’t know, which is basically everybody, was attacked from all sides by people who were complete strangers to her.

“OH MY GOD SHE IS SO CUTE WHAT A BEAUTY LET ME HOLD HER JUST A LITTLE COOCHIE COOCHIE COO WHY IS SHE CRYING!!!”

She’s crying because you would too when complete strangers come at you from every side while screaming and making faces and trying to touch you. Put yourself in her tiny shoes for fuck’s sake!

She likes kids but they were all older than her and I kept having to shield her from the tempest of older kids who were running around like mad.

Being attacked by adult strangers and nearly being trampled by kids makes for a terrified and overstimulated baby and a worried mother who will know no sleep that night. My daughter didn’t fall asleep before 2:00 a.m. and I cried myself to sleep wishing I was back home in Jerusalem, where it’s quiet and comfy and where sleep is actually possible.

We spent the second day at my extended family’s place where there were still more strangers but also two other babies, so that was ok. We slept rather well that night.

On Friday we had lunch and headed home.

I can’t even begin to describe the amazing and relieving feeling of being back home. I felt like I do after I come back from a longass overseas trip.

“Thank. God!”

I think we were all relieved, including my daughter. In fact, she was so relieved she slept from 10:00 p.m. until 8:45 a.m. which is far longer than she normally does.

This upcoming weekend is the first time I will fast while taking care of a little baby. I can only imagine how BORED OUT OF HER MIND she will be since I won’t be able to do much. I don’t think anybody can do much when running low on fluids and nutrients.

My coworker suggested taking her to the park which sounded like a good idea at first until I thought about what that would involve, i.e. pulling a heavy ass stroller with an even heavier child up a flight of steps, walking to the park in the scorching sun, struggling to keep child away from yet another tempest of children riding bicycles, walking back home and dragging heavy stroller and child back down the flight of steps, and pass out.

I love the holidays. Really I do. But then again, not so much.

Goddamit

Peace, love and impending winter sucks too

 

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Kosher Enough for Me

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I read a couple of my previous posts about Passover in past years and was amazed at how clean and organized I was and how not tired I was to clean the holy hell out of my apartment.

This year, I went Kosher Lite. Taking care of an infant involves not being able to clean your house for a wide variety of reasons:

  1. You’re tired as fuck.
  2. Your entire body aches from handling said infant for hours on end (that is an aching back, hips, legs, arms, neck…)
  3. You’re taking care of an infant and don’t have time for things like living your life, much less cleaning your house.
  4. Cleaning products produce toxic fumes that are dangerous to the baby and to nursing mothers.
  5. Your house gets dirty again within a couple of hours by which time you really couldn’t give a flying fuck.

And so it was that this year, my mom helped me out by cleaning the cupboards and the home appliances I NEVER clean, like the oven and the fridge.

My husband also did a bunch of cleaning. In fact, with his rubber gloves, a bucket in one hand and a sponge in the other, he would have made a perfect model for one of those “female porn” calendars. Such a cutie!

I still tried to do my part – washing the dishes and replacing them with kosher for Passover ones. But then I went back to the couch and resumed nursing my kid. I don’t really do much else. Frankly, I love nursing my kid so much that I prefer doing that more than anything else – writing, reading, watching TV, and definitely more than cleaning my house.

Anyway, the holiday provides no rest. Going back and forth from here to Be’er Sheva is a drag for my kid and her parents who would rather stay home where it’s quiet and comfy and dirty.

Peace, love and I’m at the office, missing my kid

Schlafenland

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Those who know me well know that sleep is my most hopeless of hopeless addictions. My attempts at getting over it included waking up early to exercise, eating more raw veggies and drinking more water. Although these attempts were met with considerable success, I am still a pillow-lover extraordinaire.

My problem now is that although I love sleep, I can’t fall asleep to save my mother’s life. It takes me a good hour to an hour and a half to slumber away on a good day. On an average day, it can take up to two hours. On a really bad day, and especially if I have tea or water before bedtime, it takes me up to three hours, plus waking up to pee in one- to two-hour intervals. This is also a reason why I always turn down a cup of tea after dinner, or a glass of water after 9 p.m. even if I’m quite thirsty. I rather go to sleep on the verge of dehydration than having to wake up every hour to take a wizz (or just get up every five minutes if I haven’t managed to fall asleep yet).

Even if I am really tired (as I am now due to lack of sufficient sleep), slight distractions can keep me nice and alert for hours at a time – my husband snoring, weird sounds from the fridge or the living room sofa (don’t ask), my dog coming in to sleep next to us on the floor, and nightmares galore. Last night, my dog came to sleep with us and woke me up in the early morning hours because she was dreaming and whimpering in her sleep.

I also try various things to induce sleep: clear my mind, push away all worrying thoughts, find the most comfortable position I can, wash my face with hot water, and read, but alas. Sometimes I avoid setting the alarm if I can afford to do so. I realized that setting the alarm, especially for an afternoon nap, can keep me awake just as well. This past weekend I managed to sleep until 1:30 p.m. Such bliss!

I don’t want to resort to sleeping pills or whatever other prescription meds, but I’m running out of options.

Peace, love and sleep marathon on Passover sounds absolutely delightful

PMS issue 1408

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I’m taking a short break from my Fun-a-Day CD reviews to inform you of something you absolutely must have.

Like chocolate and Advil, no PMS spree can go by awesomely without this latest issue of my zine. This is a full color issue featuring photos and stories about my phenomenal trip to Salem and my experience of my first time tabling at a real zine fest in Boston.

If you like zines and spooks, this is the zine for you!

It is now up for sale and for trade.

Check out these awesome pics and tell me you don’t crave this as much as you crave Ben & Jerry’s Cookies n’ Cream ice cream!

Peace, love and can you guess why it’s 1408?

Rock On 2016!

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In a few of my past end-of-the-year posts, I wrote about the utter nonchalance or outright hate I have for the Gregorian new year’s and respective celebrations. This year I am also planning on not celebrating per say because in Israel, you just don’t feel it too much, except when you write a check or an invoice and need to date it correctly.

But as opposed to previous years, I plan on actually enjoying December 31-January 1st. After the dark, deep and cold abyss I fell into during the past month (for reasons I will not detail) I deserve a good start to the new year.

So for the occasion, I’ll start by working on a new issue of my zine, and write a bunch of longass letters to my penpals. Then, I’ll have a New Year’s breakfast with my good friend, Rachel, who is planning on making waffles (hell yes!).

After that, I have a whole list of awesome plans scheduled for January. I laid out an extensive and well-detailed itinerary and plans to follow through.

The schedule includes: sleeping in, writing letters, working on a zine, playing guitar, reading, baking muffins, go to the mikveh, go to the post office, go to metal night, doing Tai Chi, and the usual yet exciting daily activities such as taking out my dog, showering and eating.

Aside from that, I also included specific dates for organizing all my belongings in preparation for my move to the new apartment. We are set to move sometime around the end of January and both my husband and I are so super excited for the prospect of having a bigger space for all our stuff – our seven guitars and respective cases, our three amps, our sound system, our four laptops and one desktop, our enormous yet awesome collection of CDs, DVDs, records, plus our record player and tape deck, my enormous yet awesome collection of zines, books (that is at least 50 books of Stephen King among others), art materials, snail mail stuff, our mounds of clothes which our closet can barely contain, and more.

The best thing about January 2016 is my plans for the Fun-A-Day event I recently joined on Facebook! That event involves picking one activity to do every day in the month of January. So I picked listening to an album I’ve never listen to before in order to discover new music and add it to my iPod.

I made a list of 31 albums I’m interested in checking out on every day in January. Though most of these are bands I’m already familiar with and like quite a bit, the albums listed are those I’ve never really listened to in depth or at all. And here the list in its daily order:

  • Kataklysm: Shadows & Dust
  • Lloth: Dancing in the Dark Lakes of Evil
  • Slash: World on Fire
  • Disturbed: Indestructible
  • Marilyn Manson: The High End of Low
  • Rammstein: Liebe ist für alle da
  • Sleater-Kinney: (self-titled)
  • Iwrestledabearonce: Ruining it for Everybody
  • Winds of Plague: Against the World
  • Earth Crisis: Neutralize the Threat
  • Warbringer: Worlds Torn Asunder
  • Krisiun: The Great Execution
  • Vallenfyre: A Fragile King
  • Arafel: Second Strike: Through the Flames of the Ages
  • Vogelfrey: Zwolf Schritte zum Strick
  • Bratmobile: Pottymouth
  • Le Tigre: This Island
  • The Julie Ruin: Run Fast
  • Kataklysm: Epic: The Poetry of War
  • Astarte: Rise from Within
  • Hatesphere: New Hell
  • Omnium Gatherum: Years in Waste
  • Gates of Ishtar: The Dawn of Flames
  • King Diamond: Fatal Portrait
  • Mercyful Fate: 9
  • Screaming Mechanical Brain: The Policy of Unilateral Hate
  • Einherjer: Odin Owns Ye All
  • Dypsomaniaxe: One Too Many
  • Winter of Sin: Violence Reigns Supreme
  • Be’lakor: Stone’s Reach
  • Pantera: Cowboys from Hell

So once January rolls around, that is this Friday, I’ll start listening to these records and writing a short review of them here. In case you care, and even if you don’t 😛

Oh man, I can’t wait to check out Kataklysm! I heard one or two of their songs once and loved them so much, they actually appear twice in my list!

Peace, love and music forever!

Packing List for 2016

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Right now, my life is all over the place. I have about a dozen reminders set on my cellphone every day so that I don’t forget shit. So I am making this list of resolutions mostly to set a certain order in my life and set clear goals so that maybe, with a little hope and perseverance, I may actually get it done.

1) Complete PMS issue number 13 on my trip to Salem: Lord knows it’s long overdue since my trip was in early October. I have all the written material and all the backgrounds. I just need to sit my ass down and put it together.

2) Go over all my belongings and throw stuff out: I need to do this to get ready for our move to the new apartment in mid-January. But we own so much useless stuff, it’ll take forever to go through it, so we might as well start now.

3) Start eating complete healthy breakfasts: I need to get into that habit because just having tea and cake in the morning does not fit in with the healthy lifestyle I am trying to achieve. Omelette, cheeses, fresh veggies, apple juice (because orange juice gives me heartburn). That’ll be my breakfast of champions!

4) Get a little more in touch with my spiritual side: I am considering reading a short psalm of Tehilim every once in a while. Not really chozeret bitshuva or anything, but just invest a little more in my connection with the Higher Power as She is playing a very important part in my life right now.

5) Cook and bake more: My mom says I am underestimating my potential as a Moroccan culinary genius. Coming from a long and illustrious line of such geniuses (including both my grandmothers, my mom and my aunts) I may have very well inherited that particular gene. I won’t know unless I try it out more often.

12045762_10152983389257471_3634203185435079558_o6) Practice more guitar: Yes I’ve had that resolution a while back and never really followed through with it. But now that I have a new Fender Strat to inspire me, I may actually be able to do it!

7) Complete the photo album of my husband and me: I already got all the photos in order which was a huge feat in itself. Now I need to find a way to put them all together in a pretty photo album (or several ones) and print it.

8) Avoid unhealthy environments: The bar that my husband and I go to every Sunday is filled with smoke. I decided to take an indefinite hiatus from metal night in order to avoid inhaling my way to carbonated lungs. A sad but necessary step.

9) Go to sleep earlier: And wake up earlier as a result. I find that I can achieve much more when my day starts in the a.m. For example, having time to cook my complete breakfast!

10) Power walking with my dog in the morning: Yet another thing I can achieve if I go to sleep earlier and wake up bright and early. I’m a slave to my pillow, seriously. But I should really start my day with an early rise, a healthy breakfast and a power walk, and save my pillow labor for the weekends.

Peace, love and baby steps.

Heart-Shaped Star

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My birthday is coming up on Tet-Vav Tishrei which falls on September 27 this year. And yes, it is Tet-Vav and not Yud-Daled as some people keep telling me. I was born at night, after the stars came out, so that makes it the next day, that is Tet-Vav. So there!

As usual, the full moon is the most important thing for me on my Jewish birthday. Since the time I started observing the cycles of the moon in relation to my cycles and my body, it became imperative for me to see the full moon of Tishrei every year. One year, there was a sandstorm on that day which completely blotted out the moon, and I was utterly depressed and riding an enormous tidal wave of rage. I wrote an angry entry in my diary and nearly tore through the page with my pen.

Last week, we once again had a crazy sandstorm that was so bad it made it hard to breathe. Pregnant women, children and the elderly were advised to stay indoors, with the windows closed, and the AC working overtime. Since no rain would fall for another couple of months, I feared that the sand would persist all through the month and I will once again be faced with a faded smudge of white on a diarrhea-tinted night-sky on my birthday, and my levels of pissed-off-ness would go right off the charts.

But now that the dust had indeed settled, here’s another thing that might ruin the moon visibility on my birthday: the full lunar eclipse which is set to take place in the early morning hours of the 28th. That’s cutting it really fucking close, and I hope to the Goddess and the moon angel that I will be able to see the full pearly moon before it turns to red (as they say it does during a lunar eclipse).

Also, I wonder what it means, if it means anything, in terms of astrology. I never really put my faith (or fate for that matter) in horoscopes. But I do believe that the moon and the stars and the planets in our galaxy affect events on our planet in some way. I think horoscopes are a poor indication of this phenomenon, but it does happen somehow. So I wonder what the lunar eclipse will bring forth.

I also recently found out that there is in fact a connection between the Zodiac system and Judaism. I don’t know why I never realized this before. I mean, if anything, it is so obvious that Libra would fall on the Jewish new year. This is a time of judgement and of justice. The Goddess measures our good and evil deeds on a scale, just like the Libra, and we atone for our sins on the Day of Atonement in order to tip the scales in our favor. I’m not sure what the other Zodiac signs mean in relation to the other Jewish months, but this Libra timing is too perfect to be a coincidence.

The moon has been dark earlier this week. I think it will start peeking sometime tonight as a thin crescent that I like to call a fingernail clipping. Hello moon! Welcome back!

Peace, love and still a proud Libra!