Webmasterminding

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I’m so happy with my new blog design that I was inspired to go all out with some of the other sites I run.

Banner for Etsy

My We Make Zines Profile

Last time I updated my WMZ profile was sometime around the International Zine Month of 2013. But since then I still kept visiting it from time to time and I loved the way I customized it. Unfortunately, some time ago, something happened to the website and my profile magically reverted back to whatever default template it had, and it looked ugly as hell. So a couple of days ago, I tried different templates, played around with the options, got upset because I couldn’t find just the right one, but then I finally nailed it and I’m super happy with the result! Check it out for yourselves here!

My Hadass420 Etsy Shop

I am trying really hard to get more people to buy some of my zines. Of course, I always prefer trades, but sometimes I feel like I am spending more money reposting expired items than actually selling them. And so, I thought a revamping of the shop might attract a bit more traffic. I mostly updated the shop details, the name, the description, etc. But I also designed a new banner (more or less the same one I used for the header on We Make Zines). So far, there hasn’t been any more traffic, but I still try to post it wherever I can – Facebook, We Make Zines, the PMS official blog (more on that below), and of course here. Go check it out!

Purple Myrtle Squeegy Official Blog

I started this blog ages ago and I used to update it pretty often with any kind of art project I attempted, but then I stopped updating it. I think it was because I found WordPress to be much more interesting and way more user-friendly than Blogger. But recently I visited the blog yet again and checked out how much they improved the customize options. So just like with this website, I tried out different templates, designed various headers and completely changed the entire layout to make it more organized and more reader-friendly. And of course, I posted links to all my other sites in another attempt to increase traffic.
I am super pleased with the final product. And you may check it out as well, here!

New PMS Facebook Page

As yet another effort on my part to publicise this zine, I opened a Facebook page for Purple Myrtle Squeegy Perzine. I have one for Fallopian Falafel, which I don’t update anymore because the zine is RIP. And I never opened one for PMS before because… well, I don’t know why. I just didn’t. But now that I went all out, I decided to open it after all. So far I have only 11 likes, but I hope that sooner or later, it will get a bit more visibility. That’s a hint for you to check it out, here, and “like” it while you’re at it!

Aside from the above pages, I also run the Crafts for a Cause Etsy shop and the Fallopian Falafel official blog, but I haven’t updated these two because I really don’t know if it’s worth it. Fallopian Falafel is no longer being produced and I’m thinking of moving all the FF material to this blog, and just let the readers download whatever PDF’s they want. I already did most of it on the respective page (here). So maybe I’ll just delete the FF blog…

The Crafts for a Cause shop doesn’t have as many items for sale as it used to in the beginning. And nobody seems to be interested in the little items that are for sale. I’m thinking of closing this shop as well and donate whatever I have left to the Jerusalem Rape Crisis Center. I’m sure they would have preferred the profits that these items may have yielded but since there are no profits to speak of, this is the only alternative I can come up with.

Constructive comments and suggestions on all of the above from professional web designers and stuff would be very welcome.

Peace, love and all comp and no books makes Badass a sad panda.

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Old Notes

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Before there was WordPress in my life, there was Facebook Notes.

Most of my FB notes are surveys I used to fill out when I was bored at work. That was back when I worked for Monster Embezzler Boss Extraordinaire.

I decided to compile some of the best answers I had (something I had already done in one of my previous issues of Purple Myrtle Squeegy) and stick them here.

Birthday: 15 Tishrei, Ha’Tashmag

Present Address: about a km away from the Holy of Holies

Male or female?  Proud bleeder.

Spell your name without vowels:
הדס בן-ארי

Career?
Torture the patriarchy into eternal oblivion with the help of my typewriter and my pen.

Do you believe in Heaven?
Yes, but I don’t believe in Hell. Jews have it good 🙂

Do you believe in Santa Claus?
I’m not Christian and I’m not four.

Do you believe in miracles?
In Jerusalem, it’s kinda hard not to believe in that.

34. Do you have any expensive jewelery?
No. But all the accessories I wear are priceless.

35. Do you have any expensive jewelery?
Do you have Alzheimer’s?

Myspace or facebook?
MySpace, though I spend more time on Assfacebook.

Complete the following: If I were the opposite sex…
I’d be a half the person I am now.

Favorite Song?
Rephrase that question with the plural, and I’ll consider answering it.

I’ve come to realize that parties…
are not parties if they don’t involve something illegal.

Have you ever been IN a wedding?
IN? Like, did I ever get married? No. But I have been to other people’s heterosexual suicide pacts. Sure.

82. What’s the stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone?
Put it on vibrate, stuck it up my ass and called it from my home phone.
[…]
86. When was the last time you lied?
When I answered question number 82.

If you were a doll, what 4 accessories would be packaged with you?
1. A pink gun
2. A typewriter
3. A chocolate bar
4. A tattoo gun or a piercing needle

If you had to make an ad or commercial for yourself, what would it be?
Like, as in selling myself? “This is Badass. She hates capitalism and is ironically appearing in an ad to sell herself. Get your own Badass today. BADASS: Experience the ambivalence! Bloody cloth pads sold separately.”

What rumor wouldn’t you mind having spread about you?
That I like chocolate more than men, and that MJ is the only exception to that rule.

Someone knocks on your window at 2 AM, who do you want it to be?
The grim reaper.

Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?
Half full with puke

What was your favorite vacation?
Slumberville in Dreamland. So amazing!

Do you chew pens and pencils?
No. For me, it would be like chewing my typewriter. Don’t bite the hand that feeds, and writing material feeds me like no other food can.

What books are you reading?
UNDER THE MOTHERFUCKING DOME. Stephen King is cooler than you.

If you were the “poster child” for something (negative or positive) it could be:
Lestat Returns – and He Had a Sex Change

Favorite Sound
*face-melting growls from the ninth circle of hell*

Are you talkative?
I like being quiet and pensive… or rather quiet and mysterious…. or quiet and boring. Depends how the interlocutor sees me.

What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
Depends if the swallow is on E or not.

Do you wash your hair in the shower?
No, I wash my hair in the toilet.

Have you had a sore throat? 
No, never. I’ve also never sneezed, coughed, blew my nose, burped or farted. Christ!

Would you go sky diving?
If I had the external ovaries, hell yeah!

How do you feel about Dr. Pepper? 
All doctors piss me off.

Two words that explain why you last threw up?
Wrong drug.

Is tomorrow someone’s birthday?
I bet it is, but I don’t know who it is.

When was the last time you flew in a plane?
You mean as opposed to the last time I flew on the wings of a dragon? In April to Canada.
[Alternate response:]
Last time I flew on a plane was May 2008. Last time I flew on a broomstick was last night.

Who were you with last night?
Zdi u’schabo.

If not yourself, who would you be? 
God

Make up a story/fairy tale/article.
WEST BANK, Feb. 31, 2006 – Police are investigating a rather odd incident that took place earlier today in a forest near Ramallah. A Palestinian girl wearing a red Hijab was devoured by a wolf on her way to her grandmother’s house. In a striking resemblance to the fairy tale “Little Red Riding Hood,” the girl was carrying a basket with food her mother packed for her.
“Allah sent the wolf to kill the girl because she was not accompanied by a male as prescribed by the Koran,” said the Ramallah spiritual leader Sheik Aziz Al-Habibi Al-Islami. “Muslim women have to abide by every law of the Koran, so that Muslim men may fulfill their duty to oppress and dominate their women.”
Some local residents adopted a more twisted rhetoric.
“We heard that the wolf was actually an Israeli soldier in disguise,” said a retired Hamas activist, Omar Falafel Al-Khabab. “He got dressed as a wolf so that people would not suspect that a Zionist killed a Palestinian girl in cold blood.”
After receiving the news of her daughter’s horrific death, the mother of the girl said: “Allah HuAkbar! My daughter is a Shahida!”
Following reports of the story, protests broke out across the Muslim world calling for a genocide of wolves. Demonstraters shouted “By Allah, wolves, your 9/11 is coming!” and “Your fangs do not scare us, we will growl at you, infidel wolves!”

A note I posted all in Quebecois, with the accent and the curses all in phonetic:

Osti, que mes voisins sont tannants. Le weekend passé y arretaient po de s’botter l’derriere toute la nuit, pis ce weekend y’arretaient po d’chialer. Y s’tapper dsu avec des chaises. Des chaises, mon osti! La p’tite guidoune d’voisine a crissé une bonne a son chum, pis est sorti dans’es escaliers a brailler toute la nuit. Les murs de mon apparte sont a chier, fait q’chu rester dans mon lite a ecouter leurs Jerry Springer personel.
J’m’en caulisse po mal que ma tévé est morte, pis qu’j’ai po l’internet, pis qu’y fait frette en maudit, pis qu’y’o plein d’tarantules gros d’meme chez nous, tsé? Mais quand j’peux po m’endormir, ben lo j’ai la chienne en tabarnac.
Ces osti d’voisins, j’en est plein l’cul de leurs vidanges verbales, pis d’leurs ciriboir d’musique Russe, fait qu’aussitot que mon contrat s’termine, j’décriss le camp d’icit.

Peace, love and Are you happy about finishing this survey? Palpitatingly.

Poke!

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I was so bored today I registered my dog to Facebook.
Need I say more?
I’m literally losing it. LOL!
It’s still funny though. I think Buxy is the only dog to be registered on Facebook. I even signed him into a group of Golden Retrievers (Owners of goldens, mind you, but still, Buxy prefers humans to dogs in any case).
I noticed there were a lot of groups about how goldens are better than labs. I feel rather sad about that because I think they’re equally as cute and pretty and fun-loving. Maybe I should start a Labs-Goldens Peace Alliance group.
In case I’m bored enough next time I’m online, I just might do that.
I wonder if there are any cats registered on Facebook. Buxy loves cats!
Peace, love and if I find the password to the server, I just may break away from my chains of bordom!