The Lindemann Blast

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I mostly dread January 1. Many of the new year days I’ve had in my life were full of shit. I’ve detailed them in a previous post (I’m too tired to search for it in my archives now) but suffice it to say they were unmemorable at best and downright nightmarish at worst.

But not this year!

This year started off with eardrum-perforating bangs emanating from the stage in the Toto Center in Holon. Till Lindemann kicked off his Ich Hasse Kinder tour with the first ever show in Israel, and no amount of Covid germs were going to keep me from being there. That was last night, so not exactly new year’s eve but still January 1 and still a badass way to start off 2022.

We still took whatever precautions we could. The venue kept a strict record of Green Passes, so that was a relief. Both me and my husband were triple-vaxxed and double-masked just in case. We were glad to see that the venue wasn’t so packed and we were still relatively close to the stage. Visibility was 100%, the sound was not too overwhelming and I wasn’t upset I forgot my earplugs, but the floor still vibrated from the bass and I loved the shit out of it.

My favorite tune was “Knebel”. He delivered a kickass version of it and he paused for a few second before blasting off into the “Mund” scream part of the song. The stage went silent as the crowd screamed “Mund!” and Till pumped his hands with the palms facing up to urge the crowd to scream louder, and then he burst into “IN DEM MUUUUUND!!” I tried to scream as loud as I could. It proved to be tricky behind my double-mask layers.

It was nice and theatrical. Many things were tossed into the crowd. Aside from the usual drumsticks and water bottles, Till also tossed real dead fish (during “Fish On”) and no less than like 10 cakes (during “Allesfresser”). We weren’t within the range of the projectiles but it was still fun to watch. There was also the video art in the background which was just as obscene and gag-worthy as I expected it to be. Definitely not a show for the faint of heart. That’s a forewarning for anyone out there who is also looking forward to see Till performing live.

And despite his name being the Hebrew word for “missile”, Till had no explosions or pyrotechs in the show, as opposed to Rammstein shows. He still delivered an awesome performance and we still had a blast, even with no actual fire involved. And that blast was all the new year fireworks we really needed.

The ringing drone, the stiff neck, the butchered throat and the lack of sufficient sleep I suffer from now is definitely worth it. If not for the first real metal show I’ve had in the past two years, then definitely for finally getting a chance to wear my full metal gear – my black pants with the metal buckles, my studded belt, and my black velvet jacket with the faux-fur on the collar and the metal studs and buckles all up and down the fabric – which has been collecting dust in my closet, sadly discarded.

I took no pictures during the show because I was enjoying myself too much, but here’s a picture of Till next to the Sheraton hotel in Tel Aviv.

Peace, love and the Covid risk is worth it too

Uncertainties 2022

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I think I pretty much gave up on New Year’s resolutions. With the health crisis that doesn’t seem to be loosening its grip on reality, it’s turning every resolution into an uncertainty, lacking plausibility and purpose, or yet another broken promise.

But as a Libra, craving balance and thriving on order, I still feel the need to plan ahead and make arrangements wherever necessary. So that if the “resolution” does indeed not happen, I can say “Well, it’s not for a lack of trying. I did what I needed to do, and the Covid crisis stole it from under me as was par for the course for the past two years. Not my fault.”

In many instances in my life, even before the crisis hit, I tried my best to set my expectations low in order to avoid disappointment if things don’t pan out. My husband does that regularly and obsessively. Sometimes to a point where I get angry with him and just tell him to stop being so pessimistic all the time. But most of the time, it’s the right thing to do. And for the past two years, it’s the only thing to do.

So the “resolutions” I set for this year are called “New Year’s List of Things that Are Set to Blow Up in My Face 2022”. Here are the things that may or may not happen, in no particular order.

  1. See Lindemann live (he’s already landed so it’s becoming more possible)
  2. Sign up my daughter for 1st Grade (I’m required by law to do that so, again, even more possible)
  3. Participate in That Monthly Zine Project
  4. Participate in International Zine Month
  5. Participate in ZineWriMo
  6. Create an updated catalog for my Etsy shop
  7. Sign up for a drawing class
  8. Work with my kid on basic skills (tying a knot, reading a clock, riding a two-wheeler, etc.)
  9. In summer, spend a weekend in Tiberias and go to the Kinneret
  10. In summer, spend a weekend in Eilat and go on a camel ride

If the Green Pass will still be required for hotels, venues, schools, etc., I’m also planning on getting whatever vaccines whenever they become available for us – the fourth dose for me and my husband, the third for my daughter, flu shots, you name it. Under the circumstances, I noticed just how much better the quality of my life is since we all got the Green Pass. While everyone is in quarantine, we’re not because we have the Green Pass. We’re not required to have any tests, we’re not doomed to miss out on social events, we have no trouble getting into any venue; it’s simply wonderful and makes everything so much easier. So yes, vaccines are a must if I want to keep saying “I did everything I needed to do. Not my fault if it didn’t work out.”

What about you? What are the things that you hope to do in 2022 but have no idea if any of them are even remotely possible?

Peace, love and new tuque!

PS – I can’t believe I got through a whole post without swearing even once! LOL!

The Unfuckening

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I recently started seeing this meme circulating around my Facebook feed.

It has happened to me as I’m sure it has happened to everyone else. But then I thought, surely there must also be the exact opposite. As in, when your day is going so fucking bad but then something good finally happens. And that is the UNfuckening.

The unfuckening happened to me today. Ever since last week, I expected this week to be one hell of a fuck of the purest ray serene. Just how much balls this week could suck, that I did not know or expect. I’m in the middle of three consecutive days where my daughter has plans after gan. Any time there is such a day, it pisses me off because this means I can’t nap, I need to pick up my kid early so that I can have enough time to give her a bath (and not wash her hair because it would take too long) before going to whatever activity we have that evening, and then we get home super late, at which point I need to hustle up some dinner like a fiend, hoping that my daughter hoovers it, and that I won’t have too much trouble getting her to brush her teeth, and that she will agree to have just one bedtime story, so I can get her in bed by 20:00.

So yesterday, she had her Grade 1 Prep class. As we were getting ready to leave, my daughter tripped and hit her cheekbone right on the edge of a stair. We still made it on time to the class, but with a wonderful black eye to show for it. Final bedtime: 21:00.

Today, we have an activity at another school we’re considering for her. And like I did yesterday, I’m planning on taking a cab because of the weather (more on that below). But last night, my phone started acting funny. I couldn’t make any outgoing calls or receive any calls either. It would be impossible for me to call for a cab today, and I will have to struggle with the weather or get my husband to leave work early. Prospective final bedtime: 21:30.

Finally, on Wednesday, she is starting a couple of courses. And although my kid is vaccinated, Covid cases are on the rise again, and I’m nervous as fuck about it. Just adding on to the stress. My own prospective final bedtime: fucking never.

On top of all that, the weather is shiiiiiit! And I mean fucking shiiiiiiiiiiiiit!!!! Yesterday, it rained like hell, then it hailed, and it was freezing cold with the whipping wind that was strong enough to keep me from walking a straight line. It literally kept pushing my leg back every time I tried to put it in front of the other. The wind is still going strong today and although the rain abated a bit, it’s still impossible to walk. This is why I had to make do with cab rides. I knew that even if I tried to take my kid home by foot as we usually do, she will simply take off with the wind.

I told my husband: “Seriously this week just keeps getting worse. I bet if I had a car, it would have probably broken down by now.”

The unfuckening came in a few levels. First, my mother-in-law said she’ll be home all day (she lives right above us), so if my phone still doesn’t work, I can use hers to call a cab. One problem solved. New prospective bedtime for today: 20:30.

Second, as we left the house, we spotted a rainbow. A full one, from one end to the other. It was the first time my daughter ever saw a real rainbow, and such a perfect one at that. She was so excited about it and I was thrilled for her. This is the one good thing that came out of this supremely shitty weather.

Finally, my phone somehow fixed itself. I called my husband and then he called me back and saw that everything works again. It was weird but unfuckening indeed.

Now, I’m under no illusions. I’m sure there is more trouble in store for me this week, and the next, and the one after that. With Covid looming high and mighty, gan could be closed, classes and courses could be cancelled or postponed, the Lindemann concert might be cancelled too, we might be slapped with yet another season of Holidays in Lockdown, predictions of doom abound… So rainbow or no rainbow, we never got our white dove with the olive branch in its beak. All we have is a fat, ugly crow with the decapitated leg of a roadkilled cat in its beak.

I hope that some kind of rainbow and dove will appear when this Covid storm is over, so we can get back to our regular programming, and resume bitching about things like politics and global warming and the prices of cottage cheese. You know, like we used to do before all this load of true fuckening was dumped on us.

Peace, love and we talk about red countries as if it was the Cold War all over again.

Dying of Exposure

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September 1. We’re back to regular programming. I’m back in the office after being away for a week an a half. My daughter started Kindergarten today after being out of a misgeret for that same week and a half.

I thought I’d be excited for it or a least somewhat happy. And I guess I sort of am…? So why do I feel like I’m about to cry? And if I do start weeping, will it be tears of pride and joy for my kid going off to big-kid preschool? Or will it be tears of utter terror of the health crisis still claiming everybody’s life and fear that my daughter might be exposed to it too? Yeah, I think that’s the one. Trying to keep a smile on my face in an attempt to project positivity so that my kid can pick up on it and start her new journey on the right foot, when deep down wishing I could hold on to her and keep her at home with me, where it’s safe and healthy, is absolutely exhausting. Pushing my fears down, sending her off to gan with confidence, and not feeling terrified out of my wits – that’s not me. That’s not my Libra. I’m losing my balance again. And the worst part is that I’m taking it out on the people closest to me. That’s still not me. I don’t like that person.

There are much less kids in her class now than there were last year. As a result, they don’t have enough kids signed up to the tzaharon (after-school program) so they are not opening that yet. Parents are upset because that means they’ll have to leave work early to pick up their kid. As for me, deep down I’m not extremely upset. All that means for me is more time with my kid and less time of her staying in a place where she might be exposed to Covid. The fact that there aren’t as many kids in her class is also a plus for my mental state – less chances of her contracting it. And I don’t need to leave work early because I work part-time anyway. I guess the only thing that upsets me is that I’ll have to cook lunch because it’s usually the tzaharon that serves that. But I don’t care anymore. I’ll cook lunch for the rest of my life if it means keeping her safe.

Another thing kicking my Libra’s ass is the uncertainty of the future and how things will turn out. Back in the non-Covid day, we woke up, had breakfast, got our kid ready, sent her to daycare or pre-pre-K, went off to our respective jobs and went about our respective lives. Perfectly routine, predictable and reliable. Now, however, we have no idea when the next quarantine will start, when the next lockdown will start, where the next virus/infection will come from. The regulations change as often as the virus mutates, which from what I understand is like a hundred times a day. How are you supposed to reclaim a routine when you don’t even know if you’ll be healthy enough to have one in the next week, day, minute?

And the holidays are coming up. Really? Happy new year? Do you have any idea how sarcastic that sounds? Shut the fuck up. Holidays should be cancelled.

I can’t believe we’re still here. We HAD it! We were going to be ok. Cases were down to less than a dozen a day. But people are selfish and stupid and think that rebelling against the system means infecting everyone around them. I wish they got it through their minds. Putting little children and immune-deficient people at risk of contracting a potentially deadly disease is NOT CALLED REVOLUTION. It’s called being a cruel and heartless dick. But no. They’re still selfish idiots and cases are up to 11K a day and still rising.

Fucking A. Yesterday, I planned to write a happy mommy post, summing up all the things that I did with my kid during our vacation. But then my subconscious state came to the forefront in full force and crushed me with the reality of the situation. We’re in deep shit and my kid is in danger.

And there is nothing anyone can do about it.

Peace, love and there’s no escape

Calling All Parents

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I’m trying very hard to not complain… With all the shit happening, it’s not easy. But I’m trying to focus on something else and – to use a tired old cliché – to make the best of a bad situation. Tired and old is what I am, so that’s that.

Back in January, Israel was going through one hell of a Covid wave. We called it Black January because many people died and that sucked. We were in lockdown but it was a joke. Everybody, except for people who actually listen to instructions (and there aren’t many of those) was outside, in parks, in shopping malls, in the market, going in herds to funerals (the Dossim mostly), to parties, to weddings, having a jolly old time. The schools were closed so of course I had to go on unpaid leave for the third time since the onset of the pandemic and stay at home with my kid. I told myself to stay positive, ignore the idiots, the Corona-deniers, the anti-vaxxers, the anti-mask people, the pitiful ignorant ones who think they’re immortal, and just focus on something else, as I’m trying to do now. In January, I focused on positive things. I took the opportunity of this lockdown to spend quality time with my child. Filled her days with fun activities and go with her flow, as much as a lockdown would allow. As a result, we had a wonderful lockdown. Our January 2021 was more fun for us than it was for most people. And all the while, we stayed safe, we stayed home, or played in the backyard.

As cases are rising, we are looking at a fourth lockdown and it’s very possible that studies may not start on September 1. It sucks because I find that every time I tell my daughter about something fun that will happen soon, she gets all excited about it and then Corona steals it right from under her.

Like in winter 2019, it was fucking cold and to try and cheer her up, I said “Just imagine how wonderful it’ll be in summer! It’ll be hot, so we’ll go to a hotel, maybe in Eilat or maybe in Tiberias, we’ll go to the beach, we’ll build sand castles…” Yeah right. Summer 2020 was cancelled.

Also, just recently, I bought tickets to a show by a performer that my daughter loves. The entire time, I got her hyped up about it and she was so excited to go see him live. But a closed crowded auditorium, packed with people who may not be wearing masks, is no place to be when Corona reigns supreme. I cancelled the tickets earlier this morning. I’m upset, my daughter is crushed. Corona’s mission: Accomplished.

And now, Kindergarten. My kid was looking forward to graduating from pre-K and starting actual big-kid Kindergarten ever since I signed her up to it in January. She did get accepted to the gan of our choice. She’s been asking me for a year already when she’ll go to Gan Einav and I keep telling her next year. A couple of months ago, “next year” turned to “in September”. And now, it turned to “I don’t know”. My daughter’s disappointed face haunts my days and nights.

I need to stop making promises that the pandemic ensures I can’t keep. All I do is get my daughter’s hopes up and then watch them come crashing down. But if it wasn’t for people being so fucking stupid and reckless and ignorant, all of these promises were totally plausible and totally keep-able. These are not big promises of something crazy like “Yeah, we’ll take a trip around the world and go on cross-Atlantic cruises and go sky-diving.” All I promised to my daughter is going to the beach, going to a show and going to Kindergarten. I basically promised her living our lives. And we can’t even do THAT?

I don’t even care that we can’t travel, that we can’t go to metal festivals, that we can’t celebrate birthdays and anniversaries like normal people, fuck all that. I just want my daughter to have a memorable childhood and do things that she is supposed to do as a kid. But the universe does not allow for that. So how can I not complain? How can I make the best of this terrible situation when anything I promise my daughter is doomed to be a broken promise?

This is not a rhetorical question. I’m totally asking you, the reader, if you’re a parent, what would you do? What DO you do with your kid during these times? How do you manage to make sure your kid is enjoying themselves safely? I need ideas of promises that the pandemic can never get in the way of my keeping them. Please and thank you!

Peace, love and uncancelled life

Facemask Addict

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It looks like face masks will be a thing of the past starting June 15.

For the past few weeks, we were allowed to walk outdoors without a mask, but still had to wear it indoors. I still wore it outdoors anyway. But in four days from now, we won’t have to wear them at all.

I don’t know what I’ll choose to do. There are some reasons why I want to keep a mask handy.

The first and most obvious reason is that, Corona or not, viruses still exist. And I find that the mask really does help in reducing the risk of contracting them. When they lifted the outdoors facemask law, many people got sick with whatever other virus was going around. My daughter caught it, too. But I didn’t, because I kept my mask on.

Second of all, even if there are no viruses going around, the mask can help a bit with the pollutants you’re inhaling throughout the day. From what I understand, people in China use the facemasks all year round because the air quality is so bad over there. Here in Israel, smog and sandstorms are a regular occurrence, and wearing a mask can definitely reduce your exposure to a bunch of shit, and prevent it from setting up camp in your airways.

Another reason is that although the mask can be uncomfortable sometimes, I LOVE keeping my face hidden. It’s not that I have an issue with how I look, but I love the mystery of it. I’m comfortable being in my own world. No one can read my expression. I can set my face however I feel, move my lips, let them smack or relax or pucker or part as they wish. I can mouth the lyrics to any song on my player and not feel self-conscious about it because no one can see it.

When I don’t wear my mask, I feel so weird and exposed. I guess I just got used to wearing it. That’s another reason. I can’t seem to be able to walk outside or talk to a person with a fully-exposed face. My fingers automatically move to the hem of my mask to pull it over my mouth and nose, and sometimes I forget it’s there.

I also love not having to remember to cover my mouth while yawning, or having to remember to cough and sneeze into my elbow. My mask got that covered. It’s wonderful!

I know that once June 15 comes around, everyone will be tossing their masks. And they might see me with the mask still firmly on my face and many of them being such I’m-a-typical-Israeli-and-all-up-in-everybody-else’s-business they’ll say something like “Don’t you read the news? You don’t have to wear that anymore!”

Would I feel weird being the only person on the streets or on the bus to wear a mask? Would I feel weirder NOT wearing it? I’m still a bit anthropophobic, and somehow, the mask provides me with a sense of safety, not just physically, but mentally as well. Giving it up won’t be easy, I’m sure.

Peace, love and wha-evah, I wear what I want!

Party Back to Life

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Today after gan, my daughter has a friend’s birthday party. Lucky for me, the party is on our very street so I don’t need to fumble around busses and cabs or beg one of the other mothers for a ride in order to get my daughter there. We’ll just walk. She likes parties, especially the part with the endless piles of candy, chocolate and cake. I hope to goddess I don’t pass out while I’m quietly bemoaning her oral health.

On Tuesday, she’ll have a Yom Haatzmaut (Independence Day) party at gan. I’m SO FUCKING THRILLED for her about that! Last year, they didn’t have such a party because we spent Yom Haatzmaut in lockdown. So for this year, the teacher requested that we send the kids dressed in the colors of the flag. I got my kid to try on a long-sleeve white shirt and white tights, with a blue summer dress over it. The dress is bohemian-style with bow-tied spaghetti straps. As per the appropriate hippy Jerusalem style, plus the colors of the flag, she looks like such an amazing Israeli girl! An image of high-voltage Zionist perfection squished into a pint-sized human. She wanted to show me how her dress spins when she does, but I was too busy hugging her and unable to let her go.

The actual date of Yom Haatzmaut is Thursday, and everything is closed on that day. E has no gan, my husband and I are off work, and the entire country is out in the fields or the backyards or public parks having BBQs. So we decided to conform and have a BBQ with my in-laws who live in a small village on the outskirts of Jerusalem. My daughter LOVES it there. They have an enormous house with a huge backyard. And since they have five kids (not much less than a small tribe) their basement is a large playroom stuffed with toys. My kid loses herself there. After the BBQ, we’re planning a trip to the nearby petting zoo. My kid’s first time in one. There is a chicken there my mother-in-law calls the “Trump Rooster” because it has a cock’s comb similar to that of the United States’ former cock-in-chief. How nice!

The only day that is not a happy party day is Wednesday. Although my daughter does need to wear a white shirt to gan, and most businesses close early or close completely, Wednesday is Yom Hazikaron (remembrance day for fallen soldiers and victims of terror). So it’s a day of mourning. The siren will sound on Tuesday evening as well as on Wednesday morning.

These non-happy days are difficult to explain to four-year-olds. For Yom Hazikaron, I usually explain a little about the soldiers that protect us and our country, and this day is for them. But for Yom Hashoah, it’s far more complicated. This year, I tried explaining it with relation to the story of Passover which she did learn about. So I say something like “Well, a long time ago, in a faraway land, there was a mean leader (Hitler), like the Pharaoh, who wanted to hurt the Jews, like the People of Israel.” It is a horrible story but I guess it’s not much worse than telling her about how the Pharaoh decreed that all Jewish male babies be thrown into the Nile. And she did learn about that. It’s also similar to the story of Purim, where the mean leader was Haman, who also wanted to kill the Jews. And similar to the destruction we commemorate on Hanukkah…

Fuck’s sake… it’s like:

“Hey, remember that day when that guy wanted to kill all the Jews?”

“You mean, like, every single day for the last 3000 years? Yeah I remember that.”

Just tell her everyone always wants us dead. But we kick their asses anyway, and either celebrate it with a holiday or commemorate it with a day of mourning.

At least, this year will be different than last year, because the fact that the Covid crisis is almost 100% over, we’re having a wonderful almost 100% party week, where we will leave the fucking house and see people.

And while still being cautiously optimistic, I’m hoping that this summer, we’ll be going back to hotels and the beach and the Jerusalem zoo and the aquarium. Hell, we should have a holiday for that too. The evil Covid tried to kill us, we kicked its ass, let’s party!

Peace, love and pretty dresses.

Grand Openings

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The holiday is over, thank the goddess. I honestly think that after all the lockdowns we’ve had since March of last year, we deserve to not have any more days off work and days off school and days off gan. Like, my poor kid is totally confused. This entire week, she kept thinking we were back in lockdown and I found myself explaining to her over and over again that we’re at home because of Passover, and her gan is closed during the holiday.

It was nice to be celebrating the holiday with the family though, and not through fucking Zoom like we did last year.

But now we’re back to our routine… whatever the fuck that means anymore. Our routine for the past year has been work, chalat (unpaid leave), work, holiday, chalat, work, elections, work, chalat, work, holiday. And my kid’s routine has been gan, home, gan, boredom, gan, home, gan, holiday, gan, climbing walls, boredom. But I’m back at work and gan is open again, so there’s that.

I really hope that the drop in Covid cases will continue on its downward path and into everlasting oblivion in the bowels of Hell. Maybe then and only then can we actually reclaim our full pre-2020 routine.

Meanwhile, markets are slowly reopening, one by one, and so did my Etsy shop, PMS Mess! That’s right, my shop is off vacation mode and I am back to taking your orders and going to the post office to send them to your lovely asses! And to celebrate the occasion, I decided to get generous and give 15% off all orders from now until April 30. So click here to get your above mentions asses to my shop, and use coupon code VAX2021 for your order of zines and art and DIY magic. And yes, that coupon code is intentional, and is to serve as a reminder to get said asses vaccinated. So those rear-ends will be getting a lot of action this month – Getting discounts, getting zines, getting vaccines…

I’m so looking forward to International Zine Month! I haven’t done anything for IZM 2020, and I really fucking miss it. And I already have an idea for the zine I wanna work on that month. If you’ve been following my blog, you already know what it is. If you haven’t been following my blog, I just might tell you what it is right after you click “follow”.

Clicked it? Good.

So the zine will be about multi-gender Hebrew and I think I might have enough time between now and July to get the hang of the new letters so I can actually write about it. I’ll also give some examples in a way that non-Hebrew speakers can understand.

So until then, I’ll try my best to stop cursing anti-vaxxers since they’re doing such a bang-up job of it themselves, and focus on my multi-gender studies.

Peace, love and kicking asses all the way to the vaccination booths (whoops…)

VaxZine!

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I finally got around to watching Moxie on Netflix on Friday. Once I heard about the movie, and then saw the preview, I was like “Well, DUUUUHHHH! I’m so totally glued-to-the-screen-and-burning-my-face-off watching this movie!” I mean, a movie about riot grrrl, feminism and ZINES? Not missing it for the world. (For the record, I’m seriously considering buying a copy of the book too!)

And yes, I did love the movie. I found myself saying “Fuck yes” on many occasions because I identified with it and remembered my own experiences throughout all the years since I was introduced to the movement, and even more since I got into zines. There were even some flyers and zines that I recognized, which made it even cooler. And the ongoing riffs of Bikini Kill in the background sent shivers down my spine without fail.

What I also loved about it is how they managed to introduce the riot grrrl movement as a more intersectional one than the original one from the 90s. I heard quite a bit of criticism of the original riot grrrl movement as not being inclusive enough – that African American or Latinx women or other women of color were not represented enough, that their experiences were not heard, and that the zines and the punk bands of the era were predominantly white. Now although the girl who started Moxie is white in the movie, she was motivated mostly by the experiences of her African American classmate and how she was picked on and assaulted by the lead jock of the school. When the Moxie group grew, it included also a Latinx girl, a few other African American girls, an Asian girl and even an Asian guy. There was a scene with a punk band made up of young Asian girls totally rocking Bikini Kill’s “Rebel Girl”. If I understood it correctly, they also had a non-binary person in there, the one who said that someone refused to address them by their new name.

I think they could have put a bit more emphasis on lesbians and trans women as well, and it would have been even cooler to throw in a Jewish girl and a Muslim one in there too, or at least a Middle Eastern girl. But the effort they made and the way they actually did manage to make the movie as inclusive as they did while the original movement was so limited is brilliant. I think it definitely represents the riot grrrl and zine movement as it is today, in the age of the internet and worldwide communication. The grrrl zine community started out small and limited probably because it was back in the late 80s and early 90s before the internet became an accessible tool to the masses around the world. But later on, the movement quickly became a global one. You can find zines in every country and in every language. The movement transcends all the differences and labels that set us apart – race, color, religion, nationality, culture, religiosity, gender, sexuality, class, age, etc. – and bring us together in the common cause of the revolution. The zine is such a multifaceted medium that can be used by anyone to speak their subjective truth, and as such, it must be inclusive. By their very nature, zines are inclusive.

So after watching this movie and having all these thoughts running through my mind, I miss making zines. It’s one of the biggest and most important things that the Covid crisis stole from me. Being so worried about contracting the virus and my daughter not being vaccinated, and a bunch of anti-vaxxers walking around, with no end in sight, I completely lost the will to create, and it absolutely kills me.

The blog is good some of the time. But the lack of scissors and glue and typewriter and ink smudges on my fingers is the thing that really gets me.

I’m sick of talking about Corona. I’m sick of complaining about people not getting vaccinated and being absolutely terrified of where the next mutation may come from. I want to write a zine about a concert that I went to, or how I enjoyed my night out with my husband. I want to write a zine about parenting and how I took my daughter to the gymboree, and the zoo, and the aquarium. I want to write a zine about how awesome my social life is and how much I enjoy the Jewish holidays with my family, as loud and as deafening as their singing can get. I want to write a zine about this awesome cool movie I saw and how I sometimes see myself as also taking part in a creation revolution when I have my friends over for an art morning or a crafternoon.

I miss my zinester life. What do you miss most about your pre-Covid life? What’s your excuse for not getting vaccinated and getting right back to that thing you miss the most?

Peace, love and let’s share some zine germs.

Vaccine Junkie

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The more I read about the vaccine and the technology which was used to develop it, the more I become convinced that getting vaccinated is totally the way to go. While I hear people who AREN’T doctors or scientists say that this vaccine will cause more harm than good, all the articles I read, which WERE written by doctors and scientists, prove the exact opposite.

I just recently read an article about what mRNA is and how it functions. The way I see it, mRNA is nothing short of a medical miracle. Although the technology is fairly new, it is reported that the vaccine is safer than other vaccines that are not based on mRNA and contain a deadened or weakened virus. The article states that mRNA is synthetic and can be used to create millions of vaccines in a short amount of time without compromising their safety and efficiency. There are some pharma companies who are using that same technology to develop vaccines against other viruses, such as CMV, EBV, RSV, and the Zika virus. The company Moderna apparently also uses the mRNA technology to create treatments against other diseases, including cancer. These treatments are meant to strengthen and activate the immune system to destroy tumors. The article described this technology as revolutionary and that it is already changing the face of medicine as we know it. I don’t know about you, but all this sounds absolutely marvelous!

I can’t find any reliable professionals in the field who can provide reasonable proof that mRNA is bad. Just because it’s a new technology does not mean it will suddenly cause people to grow a tail. Many professionals in many big companies have been working tirelessly on this new technology for the purpose of saving the world from a global crisis that has already destroyed millions of lives, and I’m not just talking about the people who died. But also the people who lost their jobs and their livelihood. This is not just a health crisis. This is also an economic crisis, a global mental health crisis and a global emotional health crisis, and it is far more destructive than any harm that mRNA is wrongfully assumed to do.

People, get your head out of your asses and go get vaccinated! You are not the only one you are putting at risk by not getting a vaccine, don’t you see that? If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for your kids, do it for your parents and your grandparents. Do it for your friends who may be high risk without you even knowing it. I know for a fact that as long as there is no vaccine approved for children, and as long as some members of my own family refuse to get vaccinated, said members will never see me or my daughter until they do get it. Fuck them.

I don’t understand how so many people are not absolutely terrified of Corona, and instead are terrified of the solution. Everywhere I turn, every time I leave my house, every time my husband comes back home and every time I go pick up my daughter from pre-K, I am going batshit crazy with worry that one of us contracted something. Every slight cough I get, and every time I hear my daughter or my husband cough, I think “This is it. We’re all gonna die.” I’m paranoid to no end. I keep thinking of ways to convince my doctor to give me a referral for an early vaccine. Maybe find something in my medical history that can show that I am in fact high risk and can be approved for getting vaccinated even before the vaccine becomes available to the general population. Every morning I wake up thinking what more can I do to survive this day. How can I keep myself safe? How can I keep my daughter safe? Should I wear a mask at home? Should I wash my hands more than 50 times a day? Should I avoid hugging and kissing my husband and my daughter at least until I get vaccinated? And then, a cough and a checking-my-temperature and a freak-the-fuck-out.

I swear, once that needle is in, my paranoia will drain right the fuck out of me and I’ll be like “Ohhhhh GOD! I’m tripping balls!”

We’re at a third wave, and while the government is losing its shit, there’s no telling if there will be another lockdown. There is also the new mutation to look forward to. All the shit that is happening and yet, there are still people who are against the vaccine. The idiocy of these people is staggering.

Kindly de-stupidify yourself.

Peace, love and I need more mRNA in my system