The Unfuckening

I recently started seeing this meme circulating around my Facebook feed.

It has happened to me as I’m sure it has happened to everyone else. But then I thought, surely there must also be the exact opposite. As in, when your day is going so fucking bad but then something good finally happens. And that is the UNfuckening.

The unfuckening happened to me today. Ever since last week, I expected this week to be one hell of a fuck of the purest ray serene. Just how much balls this week could suck, that I did not know or expect. I’m in the middle of three consecutive days where my daughter has plans after gan. Any time there is such a day, it pisses me off because this means I can’t nap, I need to pick up my kid early so that I can have enough time to give her a bath (and not wash her hair because it would take too long) before going to whatever activity we have that evening, and then we get home super late, at which point I need to hustle up some dinner like a fiend, hoping that my daughter hoovers it, and that I won’t have too much trouble getting her to brush her teeth, and that she will agree to have just one bedtime story, so I can get her in bed by 20:00.

So yesterday, she had her Grade 1 Prep class. As we were getting ready to leave, my daughter tripped and hit her cheekbone right on the edge of a stair. We still made it on time to the class, but with a wonderful black eye to show for it. Final bedtime: 21:00.

Today, we have an activity at another school we’re considering for her. And like I did yesterday, I’m planning on taking a cab because of the weather (more on that below). But last night, my phone started acting funny. I couldn’t make any outgoing calls or receive any calls either. It would be impossible for me to call for a cab today, and I will have to struggle with the weather or get my husband to leave work early. Prospective final bedtime: 21:30.

Finally, on Wednesday, she is starting a couple of courses. And although my kid is vaccinated, Covid cases are on the rise again, and I’m nervous as fuck about it. Just adding on to the stress. My own prospective final bedtime: fucking never.

On top of all that, the weather is shiiiiiit! And I mean fucking shiiiiiiiiiiiiit!!!! Yesterday, it rained like hell, then it hailed, and it was freezing cold with the whipping wind that was strong enough to keep me from walking a straight line. It literally kept pushing my leg back every time I tried to put it in front of the other. The wind is still going strong today and although the rain abated a bit, it’s still impossible to walk. This is why I had to make do with cab rides. I knew that even if I tried to take my kid home by foot as we usually do, she will simply take off with the wind.

I told my husband: “Seriously this week just keeps getting worse. I bet if I had a car, it would have probably broken down by now.”

The unfuckening came in a few levels. First, my mother-in-law said she’ll be home all day (she lives right above us), so if my phone still doesn’t work, I can use hers to call a cab. One problem solved. New prospective bedtime for today: 20:30.

Second, as we left the house, we spotted a rainbow. A full one, from one end to the other. It was the first time my daughter ever saw a real rainbow, and such a perfect one at that. She was so excited about it and I was thrilled for her. This is the one good thing that came out of this supremely shitty weather.

Finally, my phone somehow fixed itself. I called my husband and then he called me back and saw that everything works again. It was weird but unfuckening indeed.

Now, I’m under no illusions. I’m sure there is more trouble in store for me this week, and the next, and the one after that. With Covid looming high and mighty, gan could be closed, classes and courses could be cancelled or postponed, the Lindemann concert might be cancelled too, we might be slapped with yet another season of Holidays in Lockdown, predictions of doom abound… So rainbow or no rainbow, we never got our white dove with the olive branch in its beak. All we have is a fat, ugly crow with the decapitated leg of a roadkilled cat in its beak.

I hope that some kind of rainbow and dove will appear when this Covid storm is over, so we can get back to our regular programming, and resume bitching about things like politics and global warming and the prices of cottage cheese. You know, like we used to do before all this load of true fuckening was dumped on us.

Peace, love and we talk about red countries as if it was the Cold War all over again.

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