Eat the Meat

The Jewish holidays are coming up. This means two things, both regarding health.

The first is that it’s that time of year where I have to set up all my annual follow-up exams related to my condition: HCG, echocardiography, Holter, cardiologist visit, neurologist visit, eye exam, and a blood test including thyroid gland checkup, however they do it.

At the same time, I’ll also have to make an appointment with my favorite slaughter house known as the Klalit Dental Clinic, for cleaning that I haven’t done for well over eight or nine months now.

Also, I want to visit a dermatologist regarding a couple of beauty marks that are starting to look more like moles, and that are starting to worry me. I think I’ll have them removed.

My first appointment, which I already set up, is a visit to my chiropractor. My back took several beatings since the last time I saw her (headbanging at Hellfest; getting a new dog and getting pulled like mad before getting her a better leash; working on the computer more than usual; and playing guitar in the worst possible posture). So this Friday, I hope she can set me straight again.

The second thing has to do with food. The holiday season is a time for gorging yourself with homemade meals, then starving yourself for 25 hours and atoning for your sins, then gorging yourself again. For that purpose, and since I bet that most of the food will consist of ungodly amounts of meat, I have decided to go vegetarian from now until September 15 (not including Shabbats).

I love meat. LOVE IT! But that’s just it. My boyfriend’s mom feeds us meat on a regular basis. I eat meat at least once a day, sometimes even twice if I have a pastrami sandwich for lunch. And I can’t help it because my boyfriend’s mom’s cooking is irresistible.

But if I manage to stay away from her house long enough, I know I can pull off being vegetarian. That’s because I know myself. I’m too lazy to cook meat, and I’m not very good at it either. So I rather settle for eggs, tuna, rice cakes, noodles, soup, veggie schnitzels, salads, dairy stuff… you know, things that are quick and easy yet satisfying. When I lived alone, that was my diet. The only times I had meat were during the weekend when I went to visit my family, and during the holidays.

Another thing about having so much meat is that it makes me constantly fleischig (when was the last time you heard a Sephardi Jew use that word, huh?). That means that since I keep Kosher, I can’t have any dairy food for several hours after I eat meat. And while I may be craving milk chocolate shortly after dinner, hmm yeah… no such luck. 

So yesterday, when my boyfriend called me from his parents’ house asking me if I want to come over for dinner, I said no thanks, and proceeded to hoovering my rice cakes with cheese.

Yes, I believe that before diving into a meat fest, you need a vegetarian inhale first.

Peace, love and Carnivors’R’Us


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