Happily Married

This past week was my boyfriend’s sister’s wedding… or as my coworker came to call it, my future sister-in-law’s wedding. Not that it’s completely far off, I heard that wish in some slight variation from everyone at the wedding. And from my own family as well. More on that later.

It was a wonderful wedding. It was one of only a handful of weddings I attended and truly enjoyed. However, it must be noted that the music repertoire of wedding DJ’s is so limited, it’s a wonder that they have any room to maneuver at all. The evening started off with a wide range of popular tunes covered by unknown artists in a genre that is completely different from the original. Some were not completely horrible, but when you hear REM’s Losing My Religion in a jazzy cover, or Guns n’ Roses’ Sweet Child of Mine covered as a cha-cha tune, you can’t help but cringe. That was in the huppa room.

Moving on to the party hall, the range of songs usually starts off with Middle Eastern music, then some popular Israeli tunes, and later in the night, 60’s Rock n’ Roll, international pop, R&B, world music and trance. Middle Eastern tunes appear every now and then in every category which is a total buzz kill.

I wonder if, by some miracle, one day I will attend a wedding where the DJ does not exist (because they’re all the same anyway), and the only tunes played are off a computerized pre-prepared Windows Media playlist by the bride and groom, and include songs that are not usually played in weddings nationwide.

I mean, why were there no Madonna tunes? One lame Lady Gaga remix cannot compensate for the lack of Queen Madonna, seriously. And whatever happened to the counterpart King, Michael Jackson? Even Billie Jean didn’t warrant a lousy cha-cha remix.

Personally, I wouldn’t even have minded some Destiny’s Child or Janet Jackson. And I would have given anything for Rammstein’s Du Hast. But that was not my wedding, and as long as the bride and groom enjoyed the music, that’s really all that matters.

And that’s all that will matter if the bride in question will some fateful day be me. I will undoubtedly refuse to suffer through more than 5-10 Middle Eastern songs at most throughout the night. If such tunes will make an appearance at all, it will be solely to please members of the older generation of my Moroccan family.

And therein lies the problem. Apparently, my family thinks that I owe them a wedding favor. My own wedding. Recently, my grandmother told me:

“Do your parents a favor and get married already. Do me a favor! Bring me some great-grandchildren.”

So basically, if I get married, it’s to make my parents happy. And if I have children, it’s to make my grandmother happy. Did anybody consider my happiness by any incredible stroke of luck? Well, if I happen to marry for my parents and give birth for my grandmother, and somehow manage to live happily ever after with this family that will ultimately be mine until the day I kick the bucket, so all the better. But if the time isn’t right, and I’m not ready, the music played at the wedding will be the least of my problems. Getting married and having children will be a tragic mistake if I am not ready to do so and I will be the one to suffer the consequences – anything from a nasty divorce to a complicated custody matters, legal issues, possible second, third, fourth marriages, and other related fuck-ups.

All of these will be my own problems because I am 29 and that makes me an adult, at least in the eyes of the law. In the eyes of my parents and my grandmother, I am still a child who can still be told what to do, when to do it, and who to do it with. But of course, my parents and my grandmother will not suffer any of the consequences brought about by my hypothetical marital disaster and subsequent demise. The only problem on my family’s mind will be feelings of guilt at most.

So why don’t I just tell my family what I feel and get them off my back already and get them to stop badgering me about marriage? Because chances are they won’t understand. My grandmother will certainly not understand. She will just think I am being arrogant and selfish.

Well, you know what? If I’m the only one in my family who gives a shit about my happiness, and that makes me selfish, then so be it. I am selfish.

I love my family to death, but I am not about to ruin my life by hurrying into a marriage I am not ready for, for my family’s sake. And this is not solely for my happiness, but my boyfriend’s happiness, too, as well as any potential offspring we may or may not have.

I just wish my family could understand that this is about my life and I wish that they will let things flow as I see fit. Not as they do.

Peace, love and mazal tov to Avishag and Ron!


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