I have a problem with food. A big problem.
I don’t know if it’s some rare, weird type of eating disorder or whatever, but it’s definitely a problem, and it’s definitely related to food.
Simply put, I hate food, but I find myself eating nonstop.
I always have to be munching on something. Whenever I go for groceries, I always wanna buy everything, but end up buying a minimal amount of food, and when I get home, I curse myself for not having enough food.
Then I eat. Like a pig. Then I either get a stomach ache or I feel like vomiting. And I ask myself "For fuck’s sake, I know that whatever goes through my esophegus is gonna lead to disaster, so why do I keep shoving down shit?!"
Then there are times when I’m on the bus and my digestive system, being the sadistic little prick it is, decides to make me suffer:
"Aaaaand the urge to piss…. NOW!"
"Aaaaaand the urge to take a dump… NOW!"
This happens, without fail, whenever I’m in a situation or a place when a bathroom is nowhere to be found.
At times like these I think I should stop eating altogether, or at least fast for some time. Sometimes I even consider getting weekly enemas as a way to keep my intestines clean and at least take away this one lethal weapon that my digestive system has to make me suffer.
What’s even worse is that whenever there is a bathroom, the urge suddenly disappears. It’s as if my digestive system knows that if I were to relieve myself, it would actually make me feel good, and seeing me having a good time is something my sadistic organism cannot stand.
Which can also explain the other things I do that can potentially make me feel good but end up hurting me instead: Like getting high (lately it’s becoming a drag) or having sex (the process and the climax create this aweful pain I cannot explain)…
I wish we didn’t have to eat. I wish we could be like reptiles getting our energy from the sun, or like plants who only need nature to survive.
But no, I’m a human being, very ironically born into a Moroccan family where food is litterally a way of life. Whenever I’m with my family, that’s all we do. Sometimes I find myself asking them: "We’re eating again?? But we just ate yesterday!"
Another thing that bothers me about food – we need it to survive, like oxygen. Yet we pay for it. We go to the grocery store to BUY something we need to survive. What if one day we were to buy oxygen? At the rate we pollute our planet, there is no doubt in my mind that at some point, oxygen will become scarce and people, being the greedy capitalist assholes they usually are, will find a way to make profit from it by making us pay ridiculous amounts of money to get a breath of fresh air, which we will eventually pay because we will have no choice.
I hate food.
God, I’d kill for a sunny side up right now.
Peace, love and fuck that, I want a waffle!