The heart is a tyrant. A dictator. A fascist absolute monarch. It will never cede its place to logic or good judgment. My heart will be the one to take over my entire body and make of it whatever it wants. Every desperate attempt my brain makes to try and control me is futile. It is my heart that will keep me from eating and sleeping every time I get nervous or excited or scared shitless. I will continue feeling like shit, looking like shit and experiencing excruciating pain in my whole body for lack of nutrients and my heart will take pleasure in seeing me under those circumstances. And if I do eat, my heart brings it all back up again just to teach me a lesson. "Don’t ever do that again."
If two weeks ago, I was going through an intense gluttony spree, now I’m going through an intense anorexia spree that is quickly becoming a binging and purging one. I’m fucking sick of having my head in the fucking toilet every two fucking hours.
So basically the two kilos that I managed to gain in the past six months, I lost within a week. And my weight will most certainly continue to decrease unless my heart stops beating or by some miracle my brain finally manages to overpower that spasmodic wad of muscle and blood.
My Barry G. baby Bass guitar will be making its way to Israel with my mom who is leaving today. It will stay there until I go there this summer along with my two other guitars (that is, Trash Princess will not be coming with me because she’s broken anyways) and everything else I own.
I think the fact that my aliyah began sinking in now is better than if it would have hit me like a ton of bricks on the plane or once I’m actually in Israel. But again, this is my brain speaking, and in my psycho-biological hierarchy, the brain is but a mere peasant. And my heart is saying, you feel like shit, then start acting like one and looking like one.
Whatever, fuck, maybe it’s just caused by the swelling of my tits and ovaries. Hmmm, the tits and ovaries are tyrants.
Peace, love and "got any Advil? Got any chocolate? I need a good fuck."