Inner Natural Disaster

Now that Shabbat is over, I can get down to business. That is, if I had any business to attend to.
I couldn’t fall asleep last night on the count of my life falling apart. As people kept telling me that now that I finished studying, this is when my real life begins, now I know it’s a whole load of bullshit. This is where my life ends. Every step I took, regardless of how confident I was, was a step closer to disaster. Now that disaster struck, I can lie on my bed, cry my blood out and wish for a quick and painless expiration. That’s what I ended up doing last night but I didn’t expire.
Shit started piling up when I realized that I sold my soul to idealism. I’m a proud journalist but I’m also a broke-ass journalist. I’m a proud feminist but I’m also a lonely miserable cunt due to this flamboyant nature. So basically I’m left with nothing. If I stay here, I’ll be doomed to a lifeless life. If I leave to Israel, I’ll be doomed to a life of uncertainty, leaving behind the only two people who really give a shit about me, my parents, and risk losing my dog who means the moon and the stars to me.
What’s worse is that I saw it coming. I knew that nobody needs journalists in this uneventful city. I knew that if I left Jerusalem, I’ll regret it for as long as I’m here in Montreal. So it’s not as if I was unprepared but I guess that being blinded with this surplus of idealism, I also hoped for a miracle. Or maybe it’s because up to now, everything I did was a success, every road I walked on was as smooth as a baby’s butt… that is, before I fell in the crack and noticed the wad of shit that was bound to surface.
I’m gonna go listen to some Aviv Geffen. At least he knows what it’s like to be up to your neck in shit.
Peace, love and "I Had a Meeting with Happiness" by Aviv Geffen:
"I had a meeting with happiness,
But it never came,
It doesn’t matter.
God, why is death so rampant here,
And people still say you’re here?
My parents hate me,
My girlfriend is cheating on me,
I was fired from my job today.
Whisky makes me sad,
Hash has no effect on me,
And my rent expired today.
I’m not invited to parties,
Jokes don’t make me laugh,
Dance classes are over.
And life stinks,
People are stupid,
The religious people fuck everybody up."

One thought on “Inner Natural Disaster

  1. Life is a whole lot harder for me as well after school. This is the shit that we were protected from (or at least I was) and yet it\’s something that we spend our whole lives struggling with. I feel like I\’m just a waste of space, but there has to be something more than just existing, right? I\’m glad to see someone who isn\’t afraid to call herself a feminist.

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