Around this time next week, I should be on the plane heading to Zurich. And after spending three hours there, I’ll be on my way to Ben-Gurion airport in Tel-Aviv, Israel.
I’m basically as confused as I was (and still am) about graduating. I don’t know if I should be happy or nervous, or excited or freaking out. It’s not that I’m scared about security and shit, I was never scared about that really. I’ve been going to Israel every two years on average and I was never afraid of suicide bombings and stuff. I’m nervous because since I moved to Canada with my family, I never spend more than six weeks in Israel everytime I go, and now I’m going for four months, all on my own!
You know, actually, it doesn’t matter if it’s Israel, or Switzerland or East Timor. It’s four months. Four months that I’ll be away from my house, from my room, from my dog, and most importantly, from my parents. I’m so nervous, I can’t even eat right. I think I’m steadily losing weight (which I hope to gain back once I’m in Israel. With all the dairy food they got there, you can’t go wrong! *drool*)
Yesterday night was my friend’s birthday and it was rather chill, I think, at the beginning. But that’s mainly because I barely remember anything. I got high before I got there. So even if the night wasen’t that great, I still had fun because I was tripping. The lights in the club were the shit. There were too many people that I knew which kinda sucks but again, I didn’t care much for that because I was high. The songs were shit as usual, except for one song, California Love, which I loved since the day it was released. Since it was the mimouna, they also played some Israeli songs. Not the Israeli rock songs that I like, but the whiny arabic style music called Mizrachi. Then again, they also had some trippy rave music which fit my mood perfectly.
Although I was pretty out of it most of the time, I was still sensing some negative winds. My friend, who had his birthday on that night, exchanged a look and a word with me when he first saw me that night, and never looked back. I still haven’t figured out why but it’s been several days since his been giving me the cold attitude. It sucks because I’ve lost so many friends already, I don’t want to lose yet another one. I hope he doesn’t want to either. He was really good friends with one of my girlfriends and then they had a fight and they don’t talk anymore. I may be the next one to be ditched. The worse part is that I don’t understand why. If I did, I wouldn’t be having this monologue. I would be out there doing something about it.
So now that exams are over, and Passover is over, and my friend’s birthday went by relatively smoothly, I can start packing and maybe get into therapy before I pick a nervous breakdown. But now I’m going back to bed. The hangover is consuming me.
Peace, love, and flashing lights that give you seizures and make you foam at the mouth.