If life was like a soap opera

1) We would never wear the same outfit twice.

2) We would never die.

3) Even if we die, we would somehow come back from the dead.

4) We would never sleep, unless we’re in a coma or passed out.

5) Even if we would sleep, we would all have nightmares and/or we would all talk in our sleep.

6) Our problems would never be solved.

7) All women would be pretty and skinny, all men would be handsome and built like hell.

8) There would be no foul language aside from: bitch, tramp, skank and whore.

9) Everyone would be straight.

10) Witches would exist.

11) Women would always say to their lovers "make love to me" as opposed to the easier, shorter and kinkier "fuck me"

12) A woman’s vagina would be located at either one of her outer thighs because a man never lies between a woman’s legs while having sex. Also, the couple would be fully covered.

13) We would never have morning breath, and always wake up pretty.

14) We would never get a headache from crying and our makeup would never smudge whever we cry or kiss.

15) We would live in a hospital.

16) All babies would be born out of wedlock.

17) No babies would be born without subsequently being rushed to intensive care.

18) Our marriage would always be damned from the start.

19) Everyone would be psychic.

20) One would have to ask the same question at least five times in five different ways before getting an answer.

21) The person giving the answer would always be interrupted by a ringing phone or someone barging in.

22) Our diets would consist solely of alcohol and/or coffee.

23) We would talk to someone by facing the other way, as opposed to face to face.

24) We would never get a nervous breakdown even if:
      – We were in a car/boat/plain that exploded
      – We had amnesia
      – We were buried alive
      – We were admitted to a psychiatric hospital for no reason
      – We lost our children
      – We survived our assassination more times than we can count

If anyone has anymore ideas about what kind of life we would be living if soap operas were real, feel free to let me know.


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