Fascist Fashion

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People are weird.

Whenever they see me wearing something that does not fit my usual color scheme of black, blacker, dark and darker, they say “Wow, you look nice! That shirt/pants/dress is totally in style now!”

I’ve had white hairs since I was 16, and people always regarded me with a look that said “Why isn’t she dying her hair? She must have zero fashion sense”. Yet, just recently, a friend of mine saw my white hairs which tend to grow mostly in the front and said “Wow! I wish I had that streak of white hairs! It’s totally in style now!”

And anytime I walk into a clothing store (which happens VERY rarely since they never have what I’m looking for and I end up buying my clothes online), the employees always suggest things that are in style even if I asked for something completely different. So a conversation might go something like this:

Me: “I’m looking for a pair of jeans that are not skinny and are low rise.”

Store employee: [pulls out a pair of skinny high-rise jeans] “Try these, they’re totally in style now.”

Me: [audible sigh] “Never mind. Do you have a hemp purse with a long strap with no shiny decorations on it?”

Employee: [pulls out a faux leather purse, with a short strap, embroidered with fake diamonds and beads] “Why not this purse? It’s way more fashionable than the one you want.”

This is yet another reason why I don’t waste my time going to clothing stores that sell stuff that is “in style”. The employees just never listen to me.

People don’t seem to understand that I don’t buy, wear or look for stuff that is “in style”. I’m looking for stuff that is MY style. Because, God forbid, if I ever wear something that just isn’t me, I hate every minute of it and I feel like a fraud. This one time I went to a party I didn’t want to go to, but I was forced into going by my cousin who was visiting from Canada. My cousin also forced me to wear fashionable clothes and shoes because she said they wouldn’t let me in the club if I was wearing my regular metalhead attire.

“Good!” I said. “I don’t want them to let me in. I don’t even want to go!”

But my cousin was unrelenting. I wore the fucking ugly clothes and wanted to kill myself the entire fucking night.

This is the curse of fashion. People will force it on you, and at times, they will force it on you so hard that you will eventually give in if only to make them shut the fuck up.

You have no idea how awful I look with stylish clothes, and you have no idea how awkward I feel. And it seems to me like my husband is the only one who understands me because whenever I wear something that isn’t me, he doesn’t say what everybody says (“Wow! You look great, you’re in style!”). Instead, he says it like it is: “Meh, it will take some getting used to.”

Peace, love and conformists

Life, Etc.

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I haven’t written here in forever and people still follow and like and visit and view… Not that I mind. It’s nice to know my blog is functioning even if I’m not.

And it’s not that I don’t have anything to write because I do. I have a lot of it in fact. Also, I do write a lot of posts but I keep them in my drafts without publishing them. I don’t know if I ever will. The issue covered in these posts is super personal and even more sensitive.

So is anything happening in my life aside from this super personal and sensitive issue? Not really. I work, I sleep, I exercise, I get a fruit smoothie from ReBar, I go to Be’er Sheva for the weekend, I avoid bars, clubs, concert venues and any social event which may have a big crowd, I don’t go on vacation and certainly not metal festivals. It’s just that my mind and my body is so totally consumed with said personal issue that I can’t bring myself to focus on or engage in anything else. In case you didn’t already notice, I didn’t even mention zine production in the above list. Or writing letters or doing any kind of art whatsoever. I barely even read any books. No, I don’t hang out with friends, no I don’t attend metal night, and no I don’t engage in any form of activism.

Personal issue made me into a hermit. Straight up.

I don’t care either. In fact, there is a lot of shit I don’t care about. Forget politics or social injustice or international crisis. The only thing I see is the personal issue. And the reason I don’t care about being a hermit or anything else is because the personal issue is a damn good reason for it.

It needs to be emphasized that I am not sad or upset or depressed about my hermit status. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. I’ve never been happier and have never felt more grateful. Every day that goes by uneventfully is a blessing and even a miracle.

So why am I writing this? Fuck if I know.

Do I care? Haha! See above.

Peace, love and recluse.

I Like to Move It

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At long last, Elad and I finally moved into our new place. It was supposed to happen in January (if you remember this post), but kept getting postponed for reasons beyond our control (if you remember the last paragraph of this post).

We spent all of Friday and Saturday settling in. So now, instead of having a single bedroom, a tiny living room, a tiny dining room, a minuscule and claustrophobic computer room, a small bathroom with a stand-up shower and a laundry corner, we now have one big bedroom, one guestroom which doubles as a work room for me and my zines, a rather large computer room (which fits all of mine and Elad’s guitars, all our amps, a double-tower of CDs, the computer and all its equipment, including a sound system and an effects box), an enormous living room with a nearby dining room, the cutest most adorable kitchen you’ll ever see, and a nice little laundry space. Plus our bathroom, though still pretty small, has an actual bathtub! Showering is so much more fun and I no longer hit my elbows and knees on walls and shower doors when I shower. All that, with the added bonus of a boidem. We have a STORAGE SPACE dudes! So necessary for hoarders like ourselves.

All we need now is a bigass closet (which we already ordered and are supposed to have it delivered on Wednesday), a decent desk for my work room and matching chair, and a bigass bookshelf for all of my Stephen King books (all 50+ of them!) and all my feminist literature and other random fiction. Then we can put the finishing touches (i.e. our posters, art and photos) and we’ll be as snug as a bug.

My favorite things about our new place:

  1. We have had a record player forever but never used it because we didn’t exactly have much space for it and also didn’t really know how to plug it. But in our new place, we put the record player in our ginormous living room and Elad, being the tech wiz that he is, plugged it into his elaborate sound system, and we listened to old records during all of Friday while organizing the house.
  2. Our kitchen has just doubled in size. We got much more work space available, a bunch of spacious cupboards, and a window. WE HAVE A FUCKING WINDOW IN OUR KITCHEN! We NEVER had that in our other one! I love the hell out of it.
  3. Our bathtub is the shiznit. Bathtubs kick ass and after moving all the stuff and sweating my ass off and getting dust all over me, I took the best shower ever.
  4. My work room features the Riot Grrrl bookshelf I found a while back and I spent all of yesterday and this morning setting it up with all of my zines, all of other people’s traded zines, all of my High School agendas, notebooks and diaries, and all of my folders with bills and statements and other boring stuff.
  5. Our windows are much bigger, or at least seem so because the house is so well-lit, so much better lit than our previous place. We also have light switches and lamps all over the place so even at night, we bathe in bright lights.

The actual move may have been a hassle (and wasn’t without its mishaps, to put it mildly) but the best thing about it was finding things that we thought were lost forever and actually managing to put our hoarding aside for a while to get rid of shit that we really don’t need. Like, I own not one but two broken laptops. I kept them for years for God knows what reason. On Friday I told Elad “Fuck it. Just toss them.” It feels so good to get rid of shit!! Oh my God!

Our dog, Diamond, is a little disoriented. On the day of the move, she kept trying to go out the door and go to the old apartment (which happens to be right across the hall from us).

“This is home now, Diamond,” I tried to explain. “Here is your bed and your food bowl.”

And yes, this is our home now. We’ll have a housewarming party, invite friends, install mezuzot, blast our record player, and look forward to much happiness in our beautiful new crib.

Peace, love and home supersweet home.

Schlafenland

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Those who know me well know that sleep is my most hopeless of hopeless addictions. My attempts at getting over it included waking up early to exercise, eating more raw veggies and drinking more water. Although these attempts were met with considerable success, I am still a pillow-lover extraordinaire.

My problem now is that although I love sleep, I can’t fall asleep to save my mother’s life. It takes me a good hour to an hour and a half to slumber away on a good day. On an average day, it can take up to two hours. On a really bad day, and especially if I have tea or water before bedtime, it takes me up to three hours, plus waking up to pee in one- to two-hour intervals. This is also a reason why I always turn down a cup of tea after dinner, or a glass of water after 9 p.m. even if I’m quite thirsty. I rather go to sleep on the verge of dehydration than having to wake up every hour to take a wizz (or just get up every five minutes if I haven’t managed to fall asleep yet).

Even if I am really tired (as I am now due to lack of sufficient sleep), slight distractions can keep me nice and alert for hours at a time – my husband snoring, weird sounds from the fridge or the living room sofa (don’t ask), my dog coming in to sleep next to us on the floor, and nightmares galore. Last night, my dog came to sleep with us and woke me up in the early morning hours because she was dreaming and whimpering in her sleep.

I also try various things to induce sleep: clear my mind, push away all worrying thoughts, find the most comfortable position I can, wash my face with hot water, and read, but alas. Sometimes I avoid setting the alarm if I can afford to do so. I realized that setting the alarm, especially for an afternoon nap, can keep me awake just as well. This past weekend I managed to sleep until 1:30 p.m. Such bliss!

I don’t want to resort to sleeping pills or whatever other prescription meds, but I’m running out of options.

Peace, love and sleep marathon on Passover sounds absolutely delightful

Bleeder of the Pack

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Happy International Women’s Day! Here’s to being a proud female, a fierce feminist, and a crafty creator! To all my fellow sisters of the revolution, you’re fucking beautiful!|

Treat yourself or the lovely women in your life to an IWD gift from the PMS Mess Etsy Shop. Use the coupon code IWD2016 and get 20% off any purchase!

PMS banner

PMS Mess is my new Etsy Shop. There, you will find all the items that I produce by hand, sell with freebies, and ship with love!

Messy and magical items in the shop include:

Purple Myrtle Squeegy – my PMS Perzine

PMS cover 1 PMS issue 4 DSC02449 DSC03041

Fallopian Falafel – my compilation zine

Fallopian Falafel Fallopian Falafel Fallopian Falafel Fallopian Falafel

Alternative Jerusalem – a series of awesome postcards I designed

Draining1 Metal Proud1 Slut

Kickass care packages

PMS collection Care Package FF

All items come with freebies such as feminist zines or minizines or stickers or patches or my band’s CD!

Peace, love and feminist forever!

Lovin’ Oven

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NotebookI love my idea of trying out a new recipe once every two weeks. It keeps my baking inspiration going and every time I bake something awesome, the satisfaction I feel and my sense of accomplishment is almost as great as what I feel when I complete a zine!

And so I decided to start keeping my recipes in zine format in a DIY cookbook notebook that I created a while back. All the pages of that notebook were blank since I made it, but decided that every time I try a new recipe and it works out, I’ll reward myself by adding it to the notebook.

I made a section for regular salty meals, for lunch or dinner, and another section reserved solely for desserts. This Friday, after I owned Betty Crocker’s ass making the best chocolate cake in the world, I added the recipe to the desserts section and felt all giddy.

“Soon enough,” I thought “this notebook will be filled with goodies and be all dirty with flour smudges, oil drops and vanilla extract stains. Just like my mom’s cookbooks are.”

So far, in the salty recipes I have my famous cheesy Penne with broccoli recipe and my lentil-rice cakes with salsa recipe. And my desserts section features recipes for my chocolate cake and my chocolate chocolate chip muffins. Other recipes I already tried but have yet to add include my sweet potato soup, my sweet potato pie, my blueberry muffins and my carrot cake muffins with the cream cheese frosting.

I also glued a measurements and temperatures conversion chart on the inner back cover of the notebook which is super handy since most of the recipes I find are from the States, but I live in a country which uses grams instead of ounces and Celsius instead of Fahrenheit. In the “belongs to” section on the front cover I wrote “Cuisine a la Badass” and “strictly kosher”. I’m truly making this shit my own!

The following is a list of other recipes I plan to try out, unlock total ownage, and eventually add to the notebook.

  1. Vegetable stew recipe I found in a French cookbook
  2. Chocolate chip cookies – my mom’s recipe
  3. Blueberry crumb cake
  4. Blueberry cookies
  5. Oatmeal cookies – a recipe I’m supposed to get from my coworker soon
  6. Oreo cake

The Oreo cake will be my ultimate challenge to prove to myself if I’m really Moroccan Mama material. The recipe says total time is 4 hours. That’s 4 hours worth of headbanging during preparation and baking. I’m ready.

Peace, love and wake and bake.

Sunshine Fuels Production

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I feel ultra productive right now. I’m pretty sure it’s got something to do with the weather. Today is nice, warm and sunshiny. For the first time in a long time I left home without my raincoat. Word has it that it will only be getting warmer this week and it makes me giddy with productive inspiration. Israeli skies are definitely the skies to be under this February!

So this morning, I got up at the bright and early hour of 9:00 (seeing as I wake up every day at 10:30, yes, it is early for me). I had my mandatory morning tea and piece of cake, got dressed, grabbed my dog, and went for a 40-minute power-walk. It made me feel so good that I decided to change my pre-made schedule for this upcoming week and cleared my mornings for more power-walks. Then I had a rice-cake with cheese and yellow cheese for brunch before leaving for work.

I just had a fresh veggies snack and I officially feel too healthy. I need sugar. So keeping with my productive streak, I printed three recipes to try out this week – blueberry crumble, blueberry cookies and chocolate chip cookies.

I gotta go grocery shopping.

I wanna play guitar.

Oh, sun is the best thing for making stencils!

I also need to make a zine.

Today is V-Day and Metal Night. Definitely celebrating both.

I wish I had more hands.

When such things pile up, instead of doing stuff, I just sit around trying to figure out what to do first, and end up doing nothing.

Is there such a thing as being too productive?

Peace, love and SWEET POTATO PIE!!

SPP