Arzouan Inn

The following entry was originally written as an email I sent to myself because the comp I was using does not have a browser that supports my space. Whatever the fuck that means…

Not cool. Only lame!

I am staying at my uncle’s place in Tel Aviv because I got a job at Ynet (which kicks ass) but getting an apartment here is harder than I expected (which sucks ass). I’ve been from paper to paper, from internet site to internet site, and from actual place to place around town looking for ads and still nothing.

Most of the people I call tell me "it’s no longer relevant," which I suppose is Hebrew business jargon for "fuck off." In any case, if I don’t find an apartment quick, I will officially lose it. You have no idea how messy this place is. The bedroom I sleep in looks as if even organizing it is not gonna help, it’ll still look like a dump. The kitchen is big but it’s filled with so much crap, you don’t know what to do with yourself. And don’t even get me started on the bathroom. I don’t even shower that often anymore because I feel as if I’m gonna come out of there more dirty than when I came in.

Above all, everything from the living room to the upstairs computer space, from the clean to the dirty laundry, absolutely EVERYTHING smells like dirty old shoes. I have one explanation for that and it’s that there’s an overwhelming majority of guys living here. That’s another complaint of mine. Too many guys, only one lady besides myself (the mother of the family), not enough privacy, makes me too uncomfortable. Even the dog is male, goddamit! And guys have a tendency to wallow in their own stench and not really care.

I probably shouldn’t write about what I eat and what I don’t eat because I know that if my parents read this they’ll literally come over here and bring me back to Canada where they can actually monitor what I consume. Truth is I don’t eat that much because the environment I live in does not permit it. They don’t even have fruits! I actually miss the days when my mom would come into my room and bring me a fruit salad even after I told her a million times that I didn’t want it. Boy, do I want it now!

Where’s my mom when I need her? Oh right, she’s in Canada. Come to Israel already! The war is over! I knew I’d be helpless without my parents.

Anyways, I’m going to Be’er Sheva on Tuesday because I have a day off from work so I’ll try and get as many things done as I can. I’m gonna call up Nefesh B’Nefesh and give them shit for cutting all contact with me, they still owe me cash and actual assistance in finding an apartment. Then I’ll call up Bituach Leumi for my medical insurance. Then I’ll ask my cousin to lend me a suitcase so I can pack as many cloths and as many soaps and as many fruits in it as I can. Hopefully, I won’t need to use any of it, praying to god that I find an apartment ASAP.

Peace, love and strangely enough, as dirty as this place is, I haven’t seen any cockroaches… yet.

PS – Update: I got it all under control. They bought food for me because they realized I was disappearing, so we got fruits and veggie shnitzel (the best!), cheeze, cheeze and some more cheeze, and all the good stuff. So I am no longer starving. On Tuesday, I went to Be’er Sheva but it was too hot, my brain was turning to mush and I wasn’t in the bitching mood, so I wasn’t about to put myself in the situation where I had to call up any institutions and talk tough and flex my muscles because I would have probably collapsed. Still working at Ynet, still looking for an apartment, still not finding anything, still haven’t seen any cockroaches. But now it’s great because at least I’m using my good old comp so it has a browser that supports my space :-D

There, is that enough?